BOSS = Bursting Out Slimy Shit >-

Chilling outdoor, sepping on coffee and smoking my apple flavored shisha
Enjoying a chat with an old good freind of mine

I heard a sound of a calling, my heart softened and i listened. Oh that sweet calling to a sacred practice in a holy shrine

My soul followed every word, yet my body remained still. my spirit wanted to obay but my physical existance resisted witha a strong well

I shed a tearless tear and I loudly shouted an angry soundless cry
A voice in my head whispered "you'r mine, you cant obay even if you tried"

I released a smoky meaningfull sigh, I gazed up to the sky begging for mercy.
I shed another tearless tear, I shouted the exact soundless cry

A force lowered my head gently, My what a scary voice it was, That whisper "You'r mine, you cant obay even if you tried"

That force released its grip of me and went away laughing
I tried to run and obay just to realize that i couldnt obay although i was trying.

I cant even if i try, you cant even if you try, we all cant now its really too late to try.

Sometimes i wonder, is this life really about power and possessions? is it nothing but that? where did all our innocent dreams go to? where do simplicity fit? where is our spritual understanding? did we forget that we are nothing but humen? nothing but a complicated mixture of swinging emotions and a greedy desire to dominate everything? did we forget that we had to fight to grow goodness in us?

Why do we keep on forgeting that we are weeker than we can ever imagine? why do we keep judging each other and courtesise everyone? aren't we what we courtesise? shouldn't we be taking a break to think? and to get to know ourselves to start with?

Shouldn't parents be giving thier children a chance to learn and to discover instead of trying to have carbone copies of themselves? maybe all what we know and beleive in is nothing but a shadow of a rightfull path that isnt right at all?

I wonder and questions never end and i dont stop


Will i ever get answers? Will people ever hear my cries? or will i just die someday wondering if anyone ever understood me? wondering if my life was ever worth it?

I wonder

I am what I am what you think doesn't matter I KNOW what I am
You people got to wake up, your mind is your savior, think right or you'll be damned

You judge, jump into conclusions and you just believe in what you have in your mind
open your third eye, to see thru others eyes, lighting a candle wont do you any good if your that blind

Expand your wisdom and listen to silence niether to people nor to the voices in your head
From silence we came and into silence we will fade once we are dead

I'm not a perfect man but judge me only if you were, we aren't alike people do differ at least I know my flows, I know what's wrong with me, I'm no longer the man I used to be

Writing this seems so useless, like trying to grow trees by watering rocks.
Obviously ignorance is the people's creed

But a slight shadow of a dying is hope is enough of a motive to write trying to open the third eye even if i had to shed tears, face humility or even if I had to bleed

**The Living Dead**

As far as i remember i have been living this life with no motive no, dream, no Aim or goal, it was a normal life but its future was so unclear, I kept on trying to find a purpose, a goal an aim and since i am a really lonely person most of my life i kept trying to find all of that in a person and it really resulted in a very bad way.. some may think I'm a player, others may think I'm sick but I was just trying over and over.....

one day in 2003 I for some reason found the missing part of my life, although I didn't have the right what so ever to think so but deep inside i knew it.

Earlier this year I met the person (My purpose) and it was amazing how this person felt for me and shared the same ideas, it was also amazing how similar we were, we expressed our feelings to each other and i was about to fly.

this person had so much time for me in the beginning but i discovered that she is so busy with this life that she didn't have the time to be fully with me, while on the other hand she was the only reason i was living and fighting to achieve things i never wanted, i was welling to do anything just to see her face and i would have died a million times and lived again just to hear her calming voice, i will go to places and spend hours just to be beside her even if i couldn't actually talk to her or sit "With" her.

I felt like a stray puppy who was dying of hunger and mad at the world cause i am so harmless yet everyone kicked me around, and one day a very kind, sweet and understanding person took me home, showed me the meaning of being "Loved" the meaning of having a caring person, but that person got too busy too soon and didn't pay that much of attention any more. The puppy (Referring to myself) was in a much better situation, (Shelter, food and all that he ever wanted but the puppy just misses that persons love and compassion).

I used to complain allot not because i hated the way that person was treating me but because i really missed her day and night, and i wanted to spend a life time with her.

we had our ups and our downs just like any other couple..

Yesterday Tuesday 22/08/2006 I lost my motive, my love, my life. I swear I was about to die, i couldn't breath and i felt so numb i barely made it back to my home alive. My love decided that we wont talk or see each other any more i cried like i never cried before i couldn't sleep and i feel so empty right now... she was the only one i trusted with advises, was my only getaway from my busy and really unfortunate life, she was the only one that will take away my anger and aggression she had my whole life in her hands and i just lost all of that.

She did it for a very noble cause, she did it for a greater love, she did it because her parents told her that if she kept on doing what she is doing they will be extremely upset with her and that she will be effecting her sisters life negatively and that her actions will effect her whole family she did it to please he parents and for that... may god give her the strength to please them more and more.. I just wish i could go to her parents and tell them that they have a wonderful daughter a daughter that would actually give up the love of her life for them...

i really respect her and respect her choice.

but i would love to announce that starting Tuesday 22/08/2006 AD

I Qusai F. M have become officially (The Living Dead)

The love of my life and I, were going thru these series of fights and I was wondering why, finally i came to the following understanding:-

In a start of any relation, two people - and excuse my metaphor- would start acting like cats when they sniff each others butts!!

they start to explore and examine each others tolerance, believes, ideas.... etc and that is really normal.

when they get to a point of disagreement, and that's when things seem to go wrong, Subconsciously they start a "mini war" until one side concurs the other, as bad as it may sound like its just true.

They will start to fight thinking that they are only defending their thoughts and believes but they are actually fighting to saw the seeds of their believes in their partners mind.

but at the end of the day it doesn't matter who wins or who loses these "mini wars" all that matters is reaching that point of synergy which will generate optimum understanding.

This optimum understanding will never be reached unless both of the partners are welling to get in-depth with their partners needs and Valuables and actually having the well to adapt and compromise to fulfill these desires -if I may say-

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These are personal understandings based on personal experiences.

Qusai